pushing it to the limit..

what am i going to do now?

i seriously dont know what i should do. what should i do? no where seems to fit well for me long enough to feel belonged. everywhere i turn to is a problem. family. friends. best friend. love. u. me. her. him. erghh.

u think im the toughest all the time but im not. i have feelings too. i have my own problems. im not gona sit down there and listen to u guys ranting and telling me all ur problems and expect me to sit there cry wid u. what about me? think, have u guys been there for me through all these shits and fucked up problems? NO!

i saw ur blog juz then. yeah seems lyk u had more fun than i did during my bday.

i keep trying to tell myself, yeah maybe they're right sometimes, maybe im selfish and all and i try to be there for u guys. whenever u guys need me, i'll always be at ur doorstep and come lookin for u guys. whenever ur sick, i brought u food. to be honest,remember the whole thing u done at my house? i got all the freakkin blame.. juz so my mom wont go tell urs.. i took the whole shit in by myself and where were u guys?? ur excuse was becoz u were afraid?

where did all of it went? those good times. i remember we used to have soo much fun. going to each other's house. playing dressed up. spending time at the park. where did all that went? us calling ech other everyday. just to talk random stuffs? i really miss my " best friends " .

u may think im selfish and all but i rather speak how i feel than lying to u all the time. pretending nothing happen. i was deleting and writing all over again. and deleting again.

fell sick during the first day of school reopens. and my freakkin head hurts soo much now. i've said alot and i need a break from everything.