lack of..

i dont know what i should do now. was on stickam with jules and conor but didnt feel like staying any longer. kinda boring today. so0oo0 i guess i'll make a blog today. but what am i gona say? ><

lack of attention.
having lack of attention can make u wan attention from people and by that means, doing stupid and crazy things to get people's attention. i used to be like that. i am still sometimes but i've learn that this isnt a good habit so im gona stop it. but sometimes u cant help it but wanting attention right ? ><>

lack of attentiveness
i've begining not to pay attention in class and things that i do. Like all of a sudden, i just lost the spirit to study. whenever im in class, and when the teacher is teaching, i just dont seem to pay attention. my grades are falling down like OMG n to be honest, i dont really care bout my studies but i want to. i just dont know how to anymore.

lack of sanity
i've lost my sanity. WHY DO I SAY SO? it's because i've been doing insane stuffs like cutting myself and taking uncountable panadols for nothing. i lock myself in the room whenever i come home. i never smile anymore. i never seem to be happy anymore. i never screamed at my mom before but i changed that fact last 2 nights. what the f* is wrong wid me??

lack of security.
lately, i've been so insecure. everyday day. now and then, i cant help but thinking im gona lose something. someone. things that i love and treasure most. i have lost my faith in most of the things.

somehow i really wanna continue to write this blog but tears just suddenly keep coming out and i think i better stop before i wet the laptop. i miss victor soo much. i miss jules so much. i miss stephie soo much. i miss people that i love soo much. wish u were right here now. then i wouldnt have to feel so alone and left out. im so scared.