hanging on a thin thread

she can't love u like how i did.
she can't kiss u like how i did.
she cant touch u like how i did.

there's nothing that i want more than some chocolate fudge and a nice massage. there are many stuffs that i need to do this whole 2 weeks of hols. homeworks first. revision. mostly are related to school. i dont know how else i can do this. just seems like nothing is going right. i mean, i tried looking at it in a positive way. but it just wont work. like mom and dad, they WOULD NEVER KNOW. it's very obvious that im feeling soo much pain and it's partially coz of them and yet they just keep doing it.

like last night. was supposed to sing karaoke with mom after coming back from JUSCO. i asked her for the first time, which cd does she wants. she never reply. I ask her the SECOND time. no reply again. the third time i asked her, which CD does she wants then she answer me. the same one as the earlier one. ( we used so many CD earlier the day, how the hell am i supposed to know which one?) so i asked her. there was soo many cd, which want? she got pissed. and threw the microphone on me and said. FINE DONT SING!

i just sat there like wtf?? im supposed to be the one being angry and yet she threw the microphone on me?? so, to avoid further arguements, i went upstairs and didnt come down. this morning, she woke up and came downstairs and asked me why i was so moody, why didnt i wished her good morning? SEE HOW PEOPLE CAN JUST PRETEND LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED EVEN THO SOMETHING FUCKING HAPPEN!

earlier this month i was soo eager to celebrate my brithday, but with this all happening, i dont have the mood anymore. i dont think i care so much bout my birthday anymore. Probably dad doesnt even know that next friday is my birthday. he doesnt even know how old i am!! had the guts to ask me. x{

sometimes i just feel like leaving. Leaving everything behind and just run away and go somewhere where no one knows me and just start all over again. then, i would feel more belong. because seriously i dont feel belong here anymore. like what jules and stephie say, sometimes friends cant top most stuff. ( eveen though i love u guys alot!! ) i guess i need to get away and really go clear out things and find a clearer picture of what everything has happened.

maybe i will. no matter, it would definitely be better than what i have now. at this moment, i finally realise, i cannot pretend anymore. i cannot pretend that everything is alright anymore. because IT ISNT!!