today was quite a day. First day finally without the practice of Phanton Of The Opera. It's finally over. But somehow, whenever i wear the shirt..anything that reminds me of it, my heart aches. I miss it soo much. So much memories in it. Everyone of us gone through rough patches together.. ups and downs. Crying and laughing.. Everything we've been throough can never be replaced. Some of us didnt even talk to each other before the play even took place. I just wanna say im glad that it happened because then, i met such wonderful ppl like u guys! Shaun..Eli..Krystal..Christine..HaoWei..Joshua.. And also Jules..Stephie..Alex..Bilal..Calvin..Kj..Shaun..Min Yee...Jia Yung.. You guys gave me the best memories. I'll never forget them

I'll remember you
No matter what you guys going through
In my heart you guys are forever my sweethearts
I'll Remember You Guys

Lately i've also begin to think about love. One guy i can't never meet, him i would like to give my whole heart to. But is this all just lies.. ANd it's just a dream from a dream. Maybe it wasnt meant to be like this but somehow it just did. And after all these, we have to forget them. Oh I swear, i had such wonderful times with you. Times where i would give a million things to feel again. But somehow, somewhere isnt right.

it's 5 in the morning now i have no idea what i wanna do. i know i should get more rest but somehow, something in me, i dont know.. i havent be able to sleep the whole night.

What i did, was it right? Why all of a sudden, im having feelings for you? This couldnt be happening? I thought i told myself never to fall for someone anymore. But yesterday was reallly nice and fun. I never thought we will have conversations like this. N when u actually called me ur bao bei.. ( was actually surprise and blushing ) i had the urged to calll u mine too. Is this happening?

Dont know if i should stop all this before it's too late.. before the feelings goes too deep. But somewhere in my heart tells me i should give it a try and see where u'll bring us go if we eventually be together. I wish there is one day like this because after 6 months of knowing u.. ur someone who would love and takkaire of ur partner without letting her be in sadness or sorrows..

I should go know.. it's time for me to go get ready. Today's the last show. I know im gona miss it somehow.

it's been a long week. It's been a long time since i wrote a blog and that's cuz mom's has been always watching and keeping an eye on me. There's still nagging of course and it's tiring. I come home from school, wanting rest and she wont give it to me but instead start nagging me or asking me to take her stuffs even though she could do them herself and SHE KNOWS IM TIRED!!

Last night was pretty tiring. Everyone's pretty exhausted on the Thursday show.. Muscle soaring.. Bones cracking. I even got a few more expressions lines on my forehead. Haihx. All of us did a great job! But i can't help thinking, what will happen when this is all over. All of us will just go back to our class and go on with our lives forgetting all these? Some of us, we barely new each other.
Moving on. Tonight's the night! The night most of us has been waiting for. Judging Night for our play! Today's audience are mostly professionals and parents. Unlike last night, our school ppl really dont give a shit. They just boo people on stage and even threw papers. There's still other schools students there, and ur caring the school name, learn to be more professional.

Have to go soon, cause in a few more hours, gona go to school and get a pre practice before the play. And im still in pajamas and my dorky spectacles listening to Touch My Body =.=... Okayy...

GOna go now.. mom's awake!

do you feel this way?

the way like i feel for you?

cause if you really do

please show me something

or i'll never know u do..

today was the second day we had full day rehearsal ( wid the costume too! ) and well everyone looked great except me cause everything was so big and dramatic.. or was it meant to be like this? I dont know why somehow i can't wait for the day till we actually perform but that would mean we will never go for practice like we are now.. Dont know if we'll still talk to each other after the play? Lol... i think too much :S

talking to the person who understands me after my parents and my friends.. thank you for being there all along. Through ups and downs, u have showed that ur a really nice friend. i really appreciate it!

i'll write something more tomorrow

because of you..

over at my cousin's house right now.

- mom's playing mahjong. dont know if she's winning or not and grandma keeps showing the sad face! maybe's she's losing.. poor thing
- just learnt how to cook kari fried chicken and sotong. HEHEHE..
- still havent done a piece of homework. Chemisry. Maths. Add Maths. English. Biology. Accounts.
- drama night is only a few days away and i think i suck at my role.
- never thought i would be here again but once again..i kept thinking bout what happen that day. u took away something from me..

just finished dinner and.. im wishing i could go home as soon as i can because i dont wanna stay here anymore. all i wanna do is just go get a good night rest. many things has happen!

mom's always tries to make me feel bad about myself, no matter. The fact i can't cook. im fat. im ugly. im not smart. im always the bad sheep in the family. everything's MY faul@..

because of you
i never stray too far from the side walk
because of you
i learned to play on the safe side
so i don't get hurt
because of you i find it hard to trust
not only me, but everyone around me
because of you
i am afraid

it's all coming back to me now

Today was kinda bizarre. Well, there's a lot to say for today. Firstly.. I dissected a rat! Muahahaha. Was really really frightened cuz i never dissected anything before! It was my first time seeing stuffs like that. Jules and Stephie was really enjoying it. Stephie took the tail back as sourvenior and as for Jules, she took the skin. Lol .. We had quite a lotta fun! Definitely we stink alright but yeah.. it was fun!

I dont know why lately, i feel kinda sick. Having headaches all the time. Feeling restless and always have stomach aches. Maybe it's not enough of sleep or rest.. I hope i wont be sick during wednesday! Wish mommy and daddy can actually make it for the play! No matter how terrible the costume looks like, i'll still work my best in my character.

As for him, hmm. I dont think i like him as much as i think i do. I'm not saying i don't. I do but it's just after all that has happen, kinda wanna put more effort on my studies rather than all these love relationships kinda thing. Still, i had fun. We giggled. We laughed. We played. That was more than enough. I'm happy enough to be his friend. But i dont know why, everytime when i see him wid someone else, i feel really sad and hurt.

Things had definitely gone better than the past few weeks. It could go better and i hope it does.

i wish for you to be happy
for you and her to be ever and ever
you and me, its as though it was a dream
just let it pass and slip

i dont really know what happen today because im kinda blurred myself too. First, i finally gone to Accounts class after missing it for almost 2 months. Left behind, i try to understand what she's teaching but seriously i can't cope wid it. So Blurred!

During practice, well it wasnt really that bad except for those ppl who keep saying i fell on the bed and all the shit just makes me wanna cry. Lol, it's no big deal falling down. Im sure everyone has but why do they make it into a big deal? Stephie Jules and Me.. We had a great time today trying to find the suitable 'evil laugh ' for jules's character.. Wa-ka-ka-ka-ka! lolx .. ( laughing our heads off ****.**** )

Got tons and tons of homework to do today so not gona stay on long. Thought of staying on to wait for JOSH! but ur not on..so gona go now x][[

in computer class now..



there's many stuffs that i missed out in classes already..so i dont really know what she is talking about.



was in history class just before this.. finally felt like doing a decent class work after so long. it's almost time's up. Gona go for accounts class. Another class to feel dumb again because i've been missing tons and tons of classes! I dont know if i can be able to catch up.



Alright it's time to go now.. update it when i can <3

i learned something though.. sometimes..nvr judge a thing by it's look..

i dont know if i should be disappointed or depressed because i really never expected u to do all this and most of all, hate me that much...because i never did. well..i guess wrong then. but it doesnt hurt that much or really offends me cuz i dont wanna be like you. before, i didnt know what to do so whenever u do stuffs to me, all i knew was nothing but to cry. but now.. i know u'll never stop until i put the fullstop to it.

well, enough about u.. let's talk about the play. well, everything went okayly okay. Tomorrow's the full-dress rehearsal and it's another 6 days to the actual performing night. Kinda nervous cause im in the first act. With the dress.. lol, ( looks kinda weird-ish )..hope everything really goes well cus i dont wanna ruin it. After all many teacher's put blood and sweat in it and OF COURSE WE TOO!!.. xD

i know mending stuff takes time and mending relationships takes even a longer time. Mom and Dad.. im really sorry bout the whole blog thing. I didnt mean for it to hurt you or lose ur trust or anything. It's just there are stuffs where u just can't tell anyone and when u dont u feel very very painful and so i wrote them in the blog.

Gona go take my shower after a while more and then get started with the homeworks and all.

it's 5 in the morning and im still tired. but eventually gonna have to wake up later. might as well finish up the blog.
told a friend wad happen but he didnt say much, only that he doesnt know and he had to go..
when i needed you most.. u weren't here. all these happenings, is it telling me it's time to let go and just forget you.

things havent gone the way i thought it would be.

things gotten worst.. i seriously dont know what you want from me. why is it u have to act like a bitch and tell everyone to bitch bout me and the next second, showing me what a good friend you are by pretending nothing has happened. how can u do that?

honestly.. i really dont know how i should do this anymore.. i shouldnt care much bout what ur doing but u were my friend.. six years.. and still are and how can i just leave it when things arent getting any better.

gona do other one later tonight.. when everyone's asleep.. when no one can see me cry

thanks josh and jules.. xP

losing it

mom found out about the blog and now she's pissed. She wants to know who was the guy i kept talking about and everything else in the blog. Letting her read was already good enough and it wasnt because i wanted to, but she forced me to give her the password or she would go to school and make a big fuss about it. The thing is, i dont know how to tell her everything because whenever i tried to, she never listens but only screams. How am i supposed to even talk to her bout everything when helping my friends and being there for my friends, lending my ears on the phone, she calls it a waste of time and called them rubbish? How can u do that? Its bad enough that u dont respect me but ur not respecting my friends and called them rubbish despite the fact u dont know the whole story.

Things have gone way outta control and its still is. Plus, people in school treats me like im dirt or shit. It's like i have no feelings. Isolating me from everyone, i dont know but i guess it makes u feel satisfied because u got everyone manipulated and thinking that i would make a big thing of it. And when i didnt, u tried to bring me down by telling me ur having tuiiton wid him after mine failed. Trying to rub it in my face. I have to say, i underestimated you. Ur really good at all these games, that i have to give it to you.

Anyhow, i dont really have time or any energy left to even think about how to react to what ur doing because im tired. Looking at the piles of homework i have due to the practices that i missed class for...that's what i should be doing. I gave my word to my mom saying i would work hard and i will. If it's right i will do it..but you have to give ne some time to deal with the changes and get used to it. It's tough nowadays and im not saying it's not the same like ur time but it's just different and we both know it.

I have to apologised to Cheah for not able to reply you and have a decent conversation wid you. I know it's been weeks since we talked. I'm sorry.. alright? Dont be angry wid me.

Also, Stephie n Jules.. u guys have been there for me.. I appreciate it. xD

life has gone so messed up that i dnt seem to be able to find my way out anymore. i wish you guys were here. i feel so f***ed up right now.