was on the way to watch iron man and a bunch of crazy people crashed into dad's car. the front part of the car was all crashed up. :( but thank god no one suffered from serious injuries.
mom and i were shocked. mom hit her head and was hurting. dad was so pissed off and went down the car and started talkin to those bunch of guys. at first i thought they were gona hit dad as there were lyk 7 of them and we oni got DAD. yikes! ><
after everythin.. we came back home and everyhting went back lyk usual. Mom started cookin and Dad started fixing stuff. Bro started playin wid the computer and as usual, i was called around doing stuffs all day! ><>
i wanna rewind back to this morning first tho. was talkin to vic the whole morning.. as usual, blast off everything to him bout mom and dad, lil brother and shit happens and stuff. vic's probably the only guy who understands me the most. i never thought i could opened to someone so much and most of all a guy. when vanessa asked me if victor meant alot to me, i didnt know what to say so i said no.. but im havin doubts bout what i said.. maybe victor does means alot to me. more than i think he would be.
tomorrow's first day of school after the second term holiday. Im pretty sure no one wants to go back to school and IM INCLUDED but to think that i could actually meet my friends again! *stephie.jules.kj.cal.lex * MII dont care if i have to do all my homeworks too tonite.
probably gona go now. dont feel lyk staying on anyway...nothing much for me to care and think bout
ps : THANKS VIC!! FOR EVERYTHING <3>
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
getting addicted to ...
i just finished watching this youtube video..
http://youtube.com/watch?v=gQNY7Sti8FY
i totally understand what she means right now. and it actually caught me thinkin.. it's true, i dont really remember most of my childhood doing stuffs wid friends and family members but instead..staying at home playing computer, aim, phone and tv and everything.
as everything's begining to be more expensive, petrol, food, flour, egg, milk, sugar and even electricity and water bills. mom and dad was talking bout it and saying that no longer can spend extra..luxiouries like going on shoppin should be cut down.
to be honest..things arent really going on well at home. probably some of you who knows me, heard my mom shouting over the phone and through the line.. seriously, it's getting soo bad right now. i dont know what i can do much anymore because i really dont know and it's outta my control and knowledge to handle it but seriously, it's heartbreakin to see it happen over and over again when they say it's their last..
this time, im keepin everything in becoz i realised there's no point in tellin anyone bout it, ( it's not even something good to know anyway ) but i really gotta let it out this time.. everytime it feels like im about to lose it.
i stopped drinkin some time ago but took a couple last nite.. and it felt good. i felt soo release and relaxed after takin it. mom found out bout me taking some of it.. i thought she would flipped but all she said was, dont drink so much. dad's always freakkin not around at home. mom's always pissed about it. dad pretty much dont care bout anything and i thnk mom has given up on him.
sometimes im really scared that they might break up and i have to choose between the two. i dont want my family to fall apart but what if it does? who will be there to hold me? who will be there to support me? no one..
http://youtube.com/watch?v=gQNY7Sti8FY
i totally understand what she means right now. and it actually caught me thinkin.. it's true, i dont really remember most of my childhood doing stuffs wid friends and family members but instead..staying at home playing computer, aim, phone and tv and everything.
as everything's begining to be more expensive, petrol, food, flour, egg, milk, sugar and even electricity and water bills. mom and dad was talking bout it and saying that no longer can spend extra..luxiouries like going on shoppin should be cut down.
to be honest..things arent really going on well at home. probably some of you who knows me, heard my mom shouting over the phone and through the line.. seriously, it's getting soo bad right now. i dont know what i can do much anymore because i really dont know and it's outta my control and knowledge to handle it but seriously, it's heartbreakin to see it happen over and over again when they say it's their last..
this time, im keepin everything in becoz i realised there's no point in tellin anyone bout it, ( it's not even something good to know anyway ) but i really gotta let it out this time.. everytime it feels like im about to lose it.
i stopped drinkin some time ago but took a couple last nite.. and it felt good. i felt soo release and relaxed after takin it. mom found out bout me taking some of it.. i thought she would flipped but all she said was, dont drink so much. dad's always freakkin not around at home. mom's always pissed about it. dad pretty much dont care bout anything and i thnk mom has given up on him.
sometimes im really scared that they might break up and i have to choose between the two. i dont want my family to fall apart but what if it does? who will be there to hold me? who will be there to support me? no one..
going insane
finally back to reality check that school reopens in two more days. Sum part of me dont want to go back to school becoz i had found alot of interesting things to do durin the holidays but on the other hand, i wanna be able to be close to my friends again. Most of all, you.
It's weird how i actually agreed to go IKEA wid mom when i dont really want to go anywhere but just sticking my lazy ass on the bed and sleep all i want. Had a " nice time " wid kirra and cherelle. Best interenet buddies! ( we'll always have wipped cream wid chocolate, vannila and strawberry flavours " * blushed * LOL
Anyway, like i said i didnt feel like going anywhere because i was so freakkin tired from last nite but what the heck.. i realise i didnt really spend much time with my parents during the holidays. As a matter of a fact, we never spend time together for a very long long time. For instance, was supposed to go Port Dickson tomorrow but because i dont know why, we're NOT GOING ANYMORE. Dont wanna talk bout it anymore.
So..i bought quite some things for myself in IKEA. Got a silver-metallic notice board for my room. ( for later in future, if so happens fight wid mami and daddy, can guna lo ), bought a new plant for fresh air and some stuff but i cant remember anymore.
Anyway.. ima go help mom cook now!
How long has it been that I have been running from my fears?
Days? Weeks? Or years?
How I looked away from seeing your smile, and yet stroking your hair while you were asleep every once in a while.
I could not have told you by mouth with my heart filled with doubt.
What I felt was more than just love for love is but a word.
Every verse of your life became the words filling my heart like a book.
But losing you was like the torn pages you took, ripping my heart apart.
We have not dreams but memories, times we may sometimes forget.
But yet, they were all so perfect.
written by Joey Tham
It's weird how i actually agreed to go IKEA wid mom when i dont really want to go anywhere but just sticking my lazy ass on the bed and sleep all i want. Had a " nice time " wid kirra and cherelle. Best interenet buddies! ( we'll always have wipped cream wid chocolate, vannila and strawberry flavours " * blushed * LOL
Anyway, like i said i didnt feel like going anywhere because i was so freakkin tired from last nite but what the heck.. i realise i didnt really spend much time with my parents during the holidays. As a matter of a fact, we never spend time together for a very long long time. For instance, was supposed to go Port Dickson tomorrow but because i dont know why, we're NOT GOING ANYMORE. Dont wanna talk bout it anymore.
So..i bought quite some things for myself in IKEA. Got a silver-metallic notice board for my room. ( for later in future, if so happens fight wid mami and daddy, can guna lo ), bought a new plant for fresh air and some stuff but i cant remember anymore.
Anyway.. ima go help mom cook now!
How long has it been that I have been running from my fears?
Days? Weeks? Or years?
How I looked away from seeing your smile, and yet stroking your hair while you were asleep every once in a while.
I could not have told you by mouth with my heart filled with doubt.
What I felt was more than just love for love is but a word.
Every verse of your life became the words filling my heart like a book.
But losing you was like the torn pages you took, ripping my heart apart.
We have not dreams but memories, times we may sometimes forget.
But yet, they were all so perfect.
written by Joey Tham
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
ramblings for TODAY
finally finished up my english lit notes.. pretty tired from everything. it's been raining in the evening practically everyday. makes the day pass by even faster. birthday's finally here and gone. couldnt celebrate wid stephie and jules tho. Wonder what are they doing lyk rite now? MUAHAHAHAH can't wait to get back to school to see them.
talking bout school.. dont think i'll be going to school on tuesday. And ITS BECAUSE I HAVE SUMWHERE TO GO! lol. wonder what the outcome would be like. cant wait to tuesday!!
begining to join skype too :D add me up! ( babymanda0530 ) = )
finally got rid of the whole pop up window thingy yay!
there's plenty to come next week when i head back to school and like really for the first time, staying in class and studying after the PHANTOM OF THE OPERA is over. not a day goes by where i dont miss it! all the fun times we had through ups and downs. Lucky i have pictures xD
currently watching the house of carters! AND I CANT STOP IT NOW!! NICK AND AARON ARE SOOO HAWT!!! <3>
anyzways gona go to qiao se's house to pick her up to the park. Promise would take her out and have fun! so im out! LOL
talking bout school.. dont think i'll be going to school on tuesday. And ITS BECAUSE I HAVE SUMWHERE TO GO! lol. wonder what the outcome would be like. cant wait to tuesday!!
begining to join skype too :D add me up! ( babymanda0530 ) = )
finally got rid of the whole pop up window thingy yay!
there's plenty to come next week when i head back to school and like really for the first time, staying in class and studying after the PHANTOM OF THE OPERA is over. not a day goes by where i dont miss it! all the fun times we had through ups and downs. Lucky i have pictures xD
currently watching the house of carters! AND I CANT STOP IT NOW!! NICK AND AARON ARE SOOO HAWT!!! <3>
anyzways gona go to qiao se's house to pick her up to the park. Promise would take her out and have fun! so im out! LOL
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
confused =]
all my life..
right now im so speechless i dont even know what i should write because all three of u get me so fucking confusing! i dont know wht the fuck u guys expect from me.
right now im so speechless i dont even know what i should write because all three of u get me so fucking confusing! i dont know wht the fuck u guys expect from me.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Sunday, June 1, 2008
it's all pouring out..
today's resolution ~
1. finish all my homework
2. clean up my room :D
havent been getting a real sleep since the walk last night on saturday till now.
feeling pretty crappy. feeling wrong. feeling right. feeling crazy. feeling unwanted. feeling ' dont know what to feel" . feeling sappy. feeling happy. feeling unhappie. feeling angry. feeling emotional. feeling dont belong. feeling like the end of world is about to come. feeling helpless. feeling " why is this happeninng "
there's so much im feeling now that i dont know how to feel anymore. it's has always been about other people never myself. i always take out my heart and wear in on my sleeves. im always there for them but never was they for me. starting to feel being used and taking for granted. everytime it happens, i keep telling myself that it's okay and maybe they didnt mean it but after that day, i doubt if im still a friend to them. or am i just some reason, some people they find they are bored, some excuse they used to just get out from somewhere or someone.
this holidays sucks most. ESpecially on my Burfdaii. i just feel like...
i know i may not be the " BESTED" friend anyone can have but at least i know, i try to be there whenever i can for u guys. but u were never there for me. Ask urself this Question. Did U ever TAKE ME FOR GRANTED? coz i think u did. im never gona be able to be friends with u like i can anymore. No matter how much i want to but it's enough that im feeling all this crap and yet to be taking advantage off all the fucking time.
( im not saying that i cant survived without u guys coz there's so much other people who cares about me but im just disappointed )
1. finish all my homework
2. clean up my room :D
havent been getting a real sleep since the walk last night on saturday till now.
feeling pretty crappy. feeling wrong. feeling right. feeling crazy. feeling unwanted. feeling ' dont know what to feel" . feeling sappy. feeling happy. feeling unhappie. feeling angry. feeling emotional. feeling dont belong. feeling like the end of world is about to come. feeling helpless. feeling " why is this happeninng "
there's so much im feeling now that i dont know how to feel anymore. it's has always been about other people never myself. i always take out my heart and wear in on my sleeves. im always there for them but never was they for me. starting to feel being used and taking for granted. everytime it happens, i keep telling myself that it's okay and maybe they didnt mean it but after that day, i doubt if im still a friend to them. or am i just some reason, some people they find they are bored, some excuse they used to just get out from somewhere or someone.
this holidays sucks most. ESpecially on my Burfdaii. i just feel like...
i know i may not be the " BESTED" friend anyone can have but at least i know, i try to be there whenever i can for u guys. but u were never there for me. Ask urself this Question. Did U ever TAKE ME FOR GRANTED? coz i think u did. im never gona be able to be friends with u like i can anymore. No matter how much i want to but it's enough that im feeling all this crap and yet to be taking advantage off all the fucking time.
( im not saying that i cant survived without u guys coz there's so much other people who cares about me but im just disappointed )
I just can't believe your gone,
still waiting for morning to come,
wanna see if the sun wil rise,
even without you by my side.
When we had so much in store,
tell me what is it i'm reaching for.
When we're through building memories,
i'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart.
trying to take a step at a time. trying to catch my breath. trying to find the moments i've missed. trying to be strong again.
gona go take my shower and get ready for Jo.ZeLyn.CheongHong.Joey.
thanks to Jo and ZeLyn for taking all the trouble to make later the evening works. I know my birthday is over and yet u guys are gona celebrate it again with me =] Really really happy.
Many Thanks to Ivin and Weishin And Takwai and Leon for the bear. I love it soo much <3> N nicholas and Tak Wai again for the flowers ^^
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